Love

part three

Ahhh, true love! How many can say they have found true love? Someone who has never forsaken them, cheated on them... I doubt there are many stories out there. I know I haven't found one yet, in human form. Yes this will be a blog about God and his love for us. Yet it is true and it is the "real deal". I know I have fallen in love but I have fallen in love with something that is so beyond me. The feeling is real and there is no turning back. It is sweet and completes all my cravings. How life has changed for me; the healing that has taken place. Even in such a short time. Let me enlighten you with my boring life experience and then give you some encouragement.

As of last week I thought I was going to burst because I could not talk to this guy I used to date that I am still in love with. It was driving me crazy. I went to bed crying everynight and just ached from it all. This feeling of dread came over me everytime I had a moment to myself. So As usual my protective nature kicked in. I made myself so busy; I didn't allow anytime to think. I worked myself so much that I was just exhausted and would collapse on my bed and fall asleep right away. No time for much...Sure I read my bible and I prayed. But it still ached so badly.

Well I didn't know what to do, I felt lost; yet again and was tired. Well I learned somethings and I decided I was done. I am after all moving five to six days of driving away. God is the real lover of my soul and I am not treating him like that. I am not allowing him to write my love story. After all he is the one who knows my life. He has planned it, regardless of my past. How reassuring. After I gave all my feelings to him and just focused on him and putting this love I have for this guy who does not even feel the same way. My life brightened up so much. That aching has left me. I feel complete and well I actually don't need to fill my day with a business that could kill me. I am not one to handle stress so to be relieved of that makes life so much simplier.

God has loved me even when I pray so selfishly. Honestly if he was human with all the flaws of the flesh he would have walked out on me a long, LONG time ago. Personally I wouldn't ever consider myself worthy of this amazing love, actually I know I am not. I am selfish, needy, emotional, all those qualities that men HATE! Yet one person has loved me inspite of me; God! How amazing. He sent his son to die for me...honestly I don't know if I could die for anyone. I hope I could, but think about it. I would only die for those I would consider worthy of my life. I know I would die for my children, but I also know I would not take a bullet of paul Martin. Yet Jesus died for me, who is unworthy as well as Paul Martin. We were all short of the glory of God. That is why I think it is pointless for those who believe they can work their way up to heaven. Or think they are a "good" or "okay" person. Man anyone can be better than someone. I know I look like a saint next to Hitler. Yet next to Mother Theresa, ya I look like dirt. So obviously we cannot compare ourselves to others. Who is perfect? Like perfect; who hasn't thought meanly of a person, told a White lie...I think it is safe to say no one. Not one person on this earth right now or in the past with the exception of Jesus Christ.

This guy died for the prositutes, the unfaithful, the liers, the murders and most importantly for those who are exactly like me! Now that is real love. He will be hurt by us but will never leave us, even if we leave him. He will search for us and wants us back. He forgives and loves us no matter what we have done. We could have straight A's or failing marks. Be athletic or a person who is really good with cars and technolgy. (I am not that for sure! Isn't that what full service gas stations are for?) God has wrapped his loving arms around me countless times. He has comforted me nurmous times. He has whispered his promises across my soul and planned my life with love. I know I can trust him with all my heart. Because of this I can let him have all of me. When we give ourselves over to him amazing things happen and that has happened to me.

Because of this I will sing about his love and praise him forever and ever. I love him and that is all I need; along with my friends. He is in control and shows the real meaning of love. Once you have the real thing life will change and put a new spin on things for you. To God be the Glory for ever and ever!